


The Walls Have Ears

by sweet_alien



Series: The Walls Have Ears [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Coming Out, Cute, Daddy Kink, Getting Together, M/M, Masturbation, Rutting, Shownu and Kihyun is so lowkey but I love them, Trust me it's needed for plot progression, but also smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-23 05:51:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18543589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweet_alien/pseuds/sweet_alien
Summary: Hoseok has a harmless crush on his friend - his friend who he's now sharing an apartment with, despite warnings from his friends. His feelings are unrequited, and he knows this. He's also totally okay with it. He's a friend first and foremost, and he'll do what he can to help out his friends.But one night Hoseok is woken by sounds from the room next door, signalling a change in their relationship. His housemate gets awkward and Hoseok doesn't know how to hold back his heart.A story for those of us who didn't even realise our sexuality until long after we'd become 'adults', and the journey we took while coming out to ourselves and learning how to love who we are, no matter what.





	1. In A Single Breath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I published this chapter once a few years ago under a different Ao3 name with Shownu/Hyungwon as the pairing. Having since moved on from that account, I found this story in my WIPS and realised that it works so much better with Hyungwonho as my leading men. So I changed a few things, fixed it up, and here it is, brand new and much improved.
> 
> I hope you like it. More to follow~
> 
> Thank you to my beautiful friends Molly and Maria for being my betas <3

Hoseok wakes suddenly in the dead of the night, heart racing, instincts telling him to run. He fights them for a moment, staying still, ears straining over the sound of his own racing heartbeat to try and hear what it was that had startled him.

But the room is silent, and as Hoseok starts to calm down his eyes begin to drift shut. It was probably just their upstairs neighbours, or nothing at all.

Suddenly, the noise comes again, and Hoseok sits bolt upright this time, blood pounding. It sounded like an ‘ah!’, a gasp of pain, and Hoseok’s thoughts go straight to his housemate.  _ What if he's hurt? _

Just as Hoseok is about to jump from his bed and run to the next room, the ‘ah!’ comes again, followed by a soft moan. He realises, then,  that his housemate isn't in pain at all. In fact, it's the complete opposite.  _ Fuck _ . They'd lived together for a few months now, but this is the first time he'd heard his housemate doing  _ that _ . 

Hoseok can feel his face going red as the frequency of the noises starts to increase, and he sits there, as still as possible, trying to ignore them while working out what to do. He can't leave - it's not an option. If he gets up now, his housemate will hear him, and that would be too awkward, because they'd both know about it and not be able to say a word. Nope, definitely not an option. He could put his headphones in and listen to music, but after he's distracted by a particularly loud moan he realises that his headphones are on the sofa in the lounge room - there's no possible way to get to them quietly. 

The only option is to cover his head with a pillow and try to think about something else.  _ Anything  _ else. 

As he lies there, face down and head covered with a pillow, Hoseok thinks back to when Jooheon and Kihyun had tried to talk him out of this living arrangement.

“It's a bad idea, and you know it,” Jooheon had said, frowning at Hoseok over his iced Americano.

“It'll be fine,” Hoseok had reassured him. “I'll be fine.” Kihyun and Jooheon had both exchanged a glance, and Hoseok realised that they had planned this intervention before arriving.

“You've had a crush on him for months now. Do you really think you could live with him and not let it show? What would happen if he finds out? You would both be bound to a contract and stuck in an awkward position until it was over.” Kihyun’s voice had been stern, but his face had only worn an expression of concern.

“He won't find out.”

“But what if he does?”

“Then we laugh it off.” Jooheon and Kihyun had exchanged another secretive look between themselves, and this time Hoseok had known what they were thinking. They'd been concerned ever since they had found out about his stupid crush, no matter how many times he assured them that's all it was. They all knew that the object of his affections was very,  _ very _ straight, and that there was never any chance of anything actually happening. 

“Hoseok… have you really thought about this?” Jooheon’s brows had been creased, worry maring his face.

“Guys, I'll be fine. Besides, he can't afford to live alone, and the only person he can find to share a place with is me. He needs my help, and I won't deny him that. Stupid crushes aside, Hyungwon is my friend and he needs me.” He'd used his ‘hyung tone’ on them, signalling that the discussion was over, and Kihyun and Jooheon had left it at that, even if they had continued to frown for a while after. 

At the time, Hoseok had been so sure he'd be able to get through the year long contract just fine. He was a friend first, and that was all that mattered. 

But as another particularly loud moan pulls him back out of his memories, Hoseok realises that he’s fucked with a capital ‘F’. The memory of these noises is going to haunt him for weeks to come, and he was going to have to think about dead puppies any time he shared a room with his housemate. Which was a lot.

Hyungwon is louder now, his moans becoming more distinct. He’s so  _ noisy _ \- not that Hoseok doesn’t like that (images of Hyungwon spread out beneath him making those noises are desperately trying to push past the dead puppies), but right now, in this situation, he wishes that Hyungwon was not so noisy. Vaguely, he wonders how often Hyungwon had done this late at night when Hoseok was fast asleep. Thank god he was usually a heavy sleeper.

Suddenly the noises change and start to become more rapid and staccato, now punctured by -  _ was that a whine? Jesus Christ. _

He whines. Of course he fucking whines. The sound travels down Hoseok’s spine, straight to his dick, and he knows that the dead puppies have failed him. He desperately tries to hold still, but the whines are just a little too much for him to resist, and he finds himself rutting into the mattress beneath. He's too far gone, and all he can hope now is that Hyungwon is too into what he's doing to notice any noises that might escape. 

As the sounds from next door pick up in pitch and speed, Hoseok finds himself matching them and biting desperately into his lip to stop any sounds escaping. He can just imagine how Hyungwon must look, spread out on his bed with one hand wrapped around himself, his head thrown back and his neck exposed. Or even better, his fingers knuckle deep-

Hoseok bites his lip hard to stop that train of thought, and though it works to stop any noises escaping, it doesn't stop the orgasm that hits him out of nowhere. Silently, he messes the inside of his boxer briefs, grateful that at least he didn't make any noise. Tomorrow he's going to struggle to not go beet red around Hyungwon, but it's the small victories that count. 

Just as Hoseok is coming back down, he zones back in on Hyungwon and the noises he's making, and realises he must be close. He wants to shut it out so badly - a moment like this is private, and now that he's finished himself, he's ashamed that he got off to something so personal to someone else. 

But he can't stop listening. The more he tries not to, the more his ears tune in to the sharp breaths and moans coming through their thin walls.  _ God please just let it be over. _

Hoseok almost cries when his prayers are answered a second later as Hyungwon keens high and long. Despite his shame, Hoseok has to bite his lip to stop himself from moaning. There's a moment of silence where he thinks it must be over and almost sighs in relief.

But then, a moan so breathless, a perceptible hitch in the middle, and so  _ low _ that Hoseok almost doesn't hear, and very much wishes he hadn't.

“Dad-dy…Ah!”

_ … _

_ Daddy?! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen.
> 
> The 'Daddy' is extremely important for plot development. I *need* it.


	2. His Friends are Always Right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning - This chapter contains an anxiety attack, and also undertones of fear of being outed. If this is something that may upset you in any way, please reconsider reading.
> 
> This one is much longer, but also a little sad. Don't worry, they'll get there.
> 
> With love to my beta Maria xx

Hoseok is able to keep his secret from Hyungwon for exactly one week.

Jooheon is the first to find out. The next morning Hoseok calls his young friend the instant Hyungwon leaves for work. Still curled up in bed, having not wanted to face Hyungwon, Hoseok hits number two on his speed dial and waits for it to connect.

“Hyung?” Jooheon’s voice is rough, and Hoseok can tell that the lad was probably up late again, working on some new composition. He instantly feels bad for waking his friend, but his news is too persistent to allow him to let the younger man to go back to sleep.

“Jooheon… last night I…” a warm flush creeps up Hoseok’s cheeks, and he’s glad Jooheon isn’t here to see him. “I heard… something.” He’s vague, but his tone clearly triggers some sort of warning bell in Jooheon, because he can hear the younger man shuffling around as he sits up, attentive.

“Hoseok, what is it? What did you hear?”

“Daddy.”

There’s a short moment of silence, and Hoseok knows exactly what kind of confused expression Jooheon would be making as that word filters through his mind.

“‘Scuse me?”

Hoseok takes a deep breath, not even trying to conceal it from Jooheon, before letting it all out in one long sentence. “Last night I heard Hyungwon getting off and I tried really hard not to listen, I _swear_ I tried, but he’s just so _noisy,_ and right at the end he… well, he said ‘Daddy’.”

There’s another short moment of silence as Jooheon is processing this new information. “He said Daddy?”

“Well, ‘moaned’ is probably more accurate.”

“Oh God, _hyung_ , I did _not_ need that image in my head this early in the morning.”

“I didn’t need it in my head at some ungodly hour of the night either.”

“Fuck.”

“Yep.”

Silence again. Hoseok waits expectantly, but Jooheon says nothing. “So?”

“So what?”

“What do I do?”

“What do you mean, what do you do?”

“Shouldn’t I… do something? Say something?”

“Oh, hyung…” the pause is heavy as Jooheon considers his next words carefully. “I don’t think you should do or say anything, just let it be. If you bring it up, you’re only going to embarrass the hell out of him, and you don’t need that in a shared apartment. If he’s into men, or thinking about men, or _whatever_ , he’ll say something when he’s comfortable enough to.”

Hoseok’s heart sinks, but he knows Jooheon is right. “Yeah, I guess so.”  
  
“Hyung, you won’t do anything, will you?”

“No, I won’t.”

But he wants to.

* * *

 

Changkyun is the next to find out, not that Hoseok is supposed to know that.

Changkyun and Jooheon are thick as thieves, and they always tell each other everything. Their friends all know that if you tell one of them, you’re telling both. Not that they would ever admit to it, so everyone just pretends not to notice.

Hoseok realises Changkyun knows when they all meet for dinner that night and his eyes flick between Hoseok and Hyungwon a few times during the meal. Their maknae thinks he’s being sneaky, and Hoseok probably wouldn’t have noticed if he hadn’t been looking for it. But it’s there, plain as day. Changkyun knows.

Not that this bothers Hoseok. Changkyun is easily the most trustworthy of their little group, so he knows that the youngest won’t tell any of his other hyungs.

Hoseok catches Changkyun looking between him and his housemate, and Changkyun looks like a deer caught in headlights. Changkyun realises that Hoseok knows. Hoseok really doesn’t mind though, so he smiles at their maknae and ruffles his hair gently. “Are you eating enough, Changkyun-ah?”

A soft blush creeps over the younger’s cheeks, but he smiles, knowing that Hoseok is letting him and Jooheon off the hook for sharing his secrets. “Yes hyung, always.”

* * *

 

A few days later, when Hoseok is at the gym, Hyunwoo finds out too. They always work out together on Wednesdays, and the older man can tell something is up.

“Hoseok, you’re not focused on lifting at all. It’s like you’re not even trying. Where’s your brain at?”

Hoseok’s brain is somewhere completely inappropriate, and definitely not focused on lifting. Hyunwoo is staring down at him from the spotting position, Hoseok trying to focus on his hyung’s chin so that his stern facial expression doesn’t make him blush. “It’s nowhere.”

Hyunwoo stares for a moment longer, his expression mildly unnerving. “You’re blushing.”

Hoseok groans, covering his face while rolling off the bench. “Fuck.”

“C’mon,” Hyunwoo says gently, throwing Hoseok his towel. “We’re done for today. Let’s get something to eat and we can talk about it.”

* * *

 

Hoseok feels much better after they’ve eaten, Hyunwoo having listened calmly to his suspicions that maybe Hyungwon _is_ gay. That is, until he walks into Hyunwoo’s shared apartment and comes face to face with a very stern looking Kihyun. Kihyun is wearing the look that says he isn’t going to take any bullshit, and that’s when Hoseok realises Hyunwoo had texted his boyfriend about their talk.

“Really?” He turns to Hyunwoo, attempting to appear even a little annoyed. Hyunwoo just shrugs, kissing Kihyun on the cheek and heading past to the kitchen. Hoseok sighs. He can’t even be bothered to be annoyed, because he knows that Hyunwoo would have spilled the beans to Kihyun eventually. It was his own stupid fault for thinking Hyunwoo might have lasted longer than a few minutes.

“Listen Hoseok, I know this is playing on your mind a lot, but regardless of whether Hyungwon is gay, or bi, or not, or whatever, you can’t bring it up with him. You need to wait until he’s comfortable enough to open up to you himself. And, well, if that’s never, you need to be prepared to accept that.”

Hoseok groans, dropping himself onto one of their two soft couches. “You’re right, as always.” Kihyun follows, curling up on the other couch, and Hyunwoo returns with snacks and two beers. He passes one to Hoseok, which the he gratefully accepts. He watches the way Hyunwoo sits next to Kihyun, and how they fall together so _naturally_ , Kihyun smoothly moving to Hyunwoo’s side.

Hoseok opens his beer and takes a big gulp, trying to ignore the way his chest aches.

“I just like him so much.”

“We know.” Kihyun pats his knee comfortingly, while Hoseok tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

* * *

 

Minhyuk, as usual, was the last to find out.

It is a lovely Friday afternoon and Hoseok and Minhyuk decide to go shopping together. They’d already been at it for a couple of hours, but for Hoseok it doesn’t feel like long at all. He enjoys shopping, especially with Minhyuk, so time tends to pass by without them noticing.

They’re in the shirt section of their favourite store (mostly because the clothing there is very ‘loud’, as Kihyun says) when Minhyuk beckons Hoseok over, a huge grin on his face.

“What?” Hoseok mutters as he gets close, not wanting to draw attention from the other customers around them. Knowing Minhyuk, whatever it is he’s laughing about is most likely highly inappropriate.

“Look at this kids’ shirt I found. It would suit me, don’t you think?” He giggles as he holds up a baby pink shirt, perfectly innocent looking, apart from the bright pink glitter lettering splashed across the front. _Daddy’s Princess._

It’s a kids’ shirt, for fuck’s sake, and totally innocent and unrelated to his housemate, and _yet_ Hoseok finds himself easily imagining that shirt on Hyungwon. _Just_ the shirt. Before he can stop it, his memory presents him, yet again, with the noises from the other night, and his smooth face immediately burns bright red. He can’t even form a response for Minhyuk. He turns away, trying to cover his blush with his hands.

Minhyuk’s face changes from merriment to confusion when he realises he’s not going to get the response he was hoping for. He takes in Hoseok’s current appearance - furious blush creeping up to his ears, the guilty expression on his face, and the way his eyes look everywhere _but_ at the shirt - and his eyes narrow suspiciously. “What did you do?”

Hoseok is instantly on the defensive, his embarrassment growing by the second. “Why does it have to be something _I_ did?” He sounds childish, and he knows it, but he can’t quite stop himself.

Minhyuk’s eyes narrow further. “Because you look guilty as fuck.”

Hoseok shuffles his feet, eyes dropping to look at the floor so he can avoid Minhyuk’s gaze. He didn’t do anything… not really. But he _does_ feel guilty, in a way. “I didn’t do anything… well, sort of. But I also kinda did? But also, I haven’t _done_ anything… yet?”

Minhyuk lets out a small frustrated laugh. “Well, if that isn’t the most non-answer answer of all time. You’ve peaked my interest now, hyung, you’ve _got_ to spill the beans.” Minhyuk takes Hoseok by the hand, dumping everything he’d been looking at on a nearby rack.

Hoseok knows Minhyuk is going to drag him to their favourite cafe. The one where they always have Deep-and-Meaningfuls. The one where they’re hidden well enough that Hoseok feels safe enough to cry.

A couple of hours later, after Minhyuk has wrung every detail out of Hoseok, analysed it and theorised about it fanatically, Minhyuk sits back with a pout. “I can’t _believe_ I’m the last one you spoke to.”

“I can,” Hoseok says with a weak laugh. His chest still aches, but he’s feeling a lot lighter.

Minhyuk rolls his eyes, but then his expression turns thoughtful. “Anyway, I agree with Ki about not telling Wonnie that you overheard him. He’s _always_ identified as straight, and he’s always been very sure of himself. If he’s recently been finding himself attracted to men, it would be a lot for him to deal with internally, I think.”

Hoseok nods. As always, his friends are right.

“But,” Minhyuk adds, his eyes softening, “this has obviously had a big effect on you too. You’ve gone into your friendship with Wonnie knowing that your feelings would never be returned, and so, you were able to exist like that. But even though it could be a very small chance that Wonnie is into men, it’s given you hope, right? And hope, while a beautiful thing, is no doubt torture for you. Am I right?”

Hoseok nods, has hands fiddling with a straw wrapper as tears start to gather in his eyes. It was _absolute_ torture. When he’d first heard Hyungwon say… _that_ , he’d really thought that this was it, a complete change that would give him his chance. But talking to his friends, he’d realised that it could mean _anything_ , and he had no right to ask Hyungwon for confirmation of his sexual preferences. However, hope was relentless, and every day he found it harder and harder not to daydream about his housemate.

“I thought so.” Minhyuk considers Hoseok for a moment, and it’s like Hoseok can physically feel the assessment. Minhyuk takes a breath, and then says something Hoseok never, _ever_ expected any of his friends to say. “You should tell him how you feel.”

Hoseok swears that at this moment, his stomach drops out through his backside. “What?”

Minhyuk takes Hoseok’s hand, the one that’s now furiously scrunching the paper straw wrapper, and rubs it soothingly between his own hands. “You. Should. Tell. Him. How. You. Feel.”

Hoseok has no words. Tell Hyungwon how he feels? That he’s been in love with him for the whole three years they’ve known each other? That he loves Hyungwon’s laugh and his witty sarcasm, that he loves the way Hyungwon can cook but can’t bake to save his life, that he loves the way Hyungwon’s hair flops into his eyes when its grown a little too long? That he longs to cuddle Hyungwon, to hold him tightly, and to tell the world that he’s Hoseok’s man?

The many reasons for how and why Hoseok loves Hyungwon fly around his head in quick succession, and the thought of verbalising any to Hyungwon make him feel physically ill. He’s taught himself for so long that keeping them a secret was _imperative_ , that the idea of giving even _one_ to Hyungwon seems like he’s breaking all the rules.

“Why? Minnie, _why_?” Hoseok’s voice breaks and a couple of tears fall.

“Because if you get an answer, whether it’s feelings reciprocated or a straight out rejection, you’ll _know_ . You’ll finally, _finally_ know, and you’ll be able to get out of that torturous limbo you’re in.”

Adrenaline courses through Hoseok’s veins when he realises that Minhyuk is right. _Of course he’s right_. He curses under his breath and clasps Minhyuk’s hands, tight.

“But… but what if he rejects me? What if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore?”

Again, Minhyuk uses his own hands to soothingly rub Hoseok’s, cooing gently as he goes. “Hoseokkie, Hyungwon would _never_ abandon you like that. He can appear cool, but he’s also ridiculously loyal. It might be awkward for a time if he brushes you off, but you’d both come around eventually and be able to go on building your friendship. He loves you and he trusts you, and considers you one of his most important friends. Why else would he have asked you to live with him, out of all of us?”

Hoseok’s mouth falls into a small ‘o’ and his hands go still as his brain starts racing through the possibilities. He and Hyungwon _are_ really close. As Hoseok has always said, friends first and foremost. His feelings _always_ come second. If Hyungwon cares about him as a friend the same way Hoseok cares about the tall git, well, he certainly wouldn’t ditch Hoseok over a simple confession.

So… maybe he _could_ tell Hyungwon how he really feels. He would finally be able to get it off his chest and, knowing Hyungwon, they’d actually be able to talk about it like adults. Hyungwon would never run away from a discussion like that. And regardless of the outcome, Hoseok will have made some progress and he would be able to move forward from his emotional stalemate. _And_ , he thinks, _having lived under the shadow of unrequited feelings for so long, I can definitely survive a rejection._ He knows he could.

Hoseok smiles at Minhyuk and nods, the thinner man beaming at him in return, and Hoseok finds himself blessing his friend’s existence.

* * *

 

That very night, Hoseok is setting up his gaming console when his phone buzzes with incoming messages.

 **Joohoney** :   HYUNG  
**Joohoney** :   HYUNGGGGG  
**Joohoney** :   Good luck tonight~ !  
**Seokkie** :     Let me guess, Minhyuk???

 **Joohoney** :   I mean….

 **Joohoney** :   Yeah.

 **Joohoney** :   Oh, and Kyunnie says good luck as well!!

 **Seokkie** :     Of course he does.

 **Seokkie** :     >.<

 **Seokkie** :     For fuck’s sake nobody tell Ki tho.

 **Joohoney** :   Our lips are sealed.

Hoseok huffs a small, nervous laugh, and is about to put his phone back down when another message comes through.

 **Wonnie** :      Got the chicken, I’ll be home in 10. You’d better be ready to game, Tokki.

 **Seokkie** :     The beer and console are waiting for you, Slowpoke. Don’t let the beer go warm.

 **Wonnie** :      Right. Make it 5.  
**Wonnie** :      Oh! And I have something for you ;) x

Hoseok stares at the little ‘x’, his heart jumping into his throat. _God damn you Chae Hyungwon_.

* * *

 

Later, chicken box empty, beer cans all over the place, Hoseok and Hyungwon are very loudly playing online. The ‘something’ Hyungwon had brought for Hoseok is a little Eevee toy that he’d won from a claw machine with his coworkers earlier that day. It was now tucked protectively between Hoseok’s knees.

The two of them are fairly good drinkers, so they are sure they’re only feeling buzzed at this point. However, even though they’ve been playing on the same team, Hyungwon keeps up a steady string of curses often directed at Hoseok. Hoseok knows he’s off his game a little, but it’s hard to concentrate when he’s trying to find the right moment to tell Hyungwon how he feels. He considers for a second that maybe gaming night is not the right time, but pushes it away. Beer is good for the nerves, so tonight is _perfect_.

Currently, they’re playing a match where Hyungwon has been carrying Hoseok the whole time. He’s been keeping up a constant stream of curses and aggressive encouragements directed at Hoseok, but Hoseok can tell they’re all in good fun. Besides, he likes the sound of curses from that pretty mouth. _Shit, am I drunk_?

“C’mon Tokki, we’re almost there! Don’t you dare let me down now, you bastard!”

From the corner of his eye, Hoseok can see that Hyungwon is right on the edge of his seat, his perfect brows pushed down as he concentrates hard on the screen. His face is flushed red from the drinking, and Hoseok realises that he might be drunk too. _Cute_.

“HOSEOK, OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!”

Again, Hoseok has lost concentration. When he zones in again, Hyungwon’s character is jumping in to barely save his own. _Jesus, I_ am _drunk_.

It only takes a few minutes more for Hyungwon to single handedly win them the game. While Hyungwon whoops in joy, Hoseok tries to chug the rest of his beer. His mind is all over the damn place and he decides that trying to numb it out is the best course of action.

Hyungwon jumps up on the lounge, cheering and throwing some of his popcorn at Hoseok. “Did you see how I saved your ass? And how I won it for us? And how amazing I am? Who’s your DADDY?!” The last bit is a yell followed by peals of laughter.

Hoseok, mid chug, chokes on his beer and ends up spraying it all over himself and the floor in front of him. He’s dropped his controller and while he’s sputtering and choking he becomes aware of his face is burning up. That was not a word he had _ever_ expected to hear from Hyungwon again and now Hoseok’s just gone and tried to inhale his fucking beer, making a damn fool of himself.

As he recovers from almost coughing his lungs up, Hoseok notices his housemate is dead quiet. He turns to look, and he sees that Hyungwon has gone very still, his arms tense against his sides. He’s still standing on the lounge, but the knuckles on his hand holding the controller have gone white. His face looks like it’s been drained of all blood, despite the alcohol glow. _There’s no way_ , Hoseok thinks, _there’s no way he knows_.

“You heard me.”

It’s barely louder than a whisper, the audio from the game almost covering it. But Hoseok hears it and he knows exactly what it means. For Hyungwon’s sake, Hoseok tries to cover for them both. “Of course I heard you, you were just _shouting_.” Sadly, Hoseok hasn’t recovered from his coughing fit and his voice is neither light nor convincing.

“You know what I mean, Hoseok. _You heard me_.”

Hoseok doesn’t know what to do. Hyungwon looks like he’s about to fly into a rage or hysterical sobs or both, and Hoseok doesn’t want that to happen. But, he also doesn’t want to lie to the person he cares about the most. This is _not_ the way he had anticipated this night going.

Hoseok doesn’t trust his voice, so he just nods.

Hyungwon’s face falls and his body slumps as if all the life has been sucked out of him. He looks downright _terrified_ . “Fuck.” He steps off the lounge, away from Hoseok, and drops the controller on the floor. He doesn’t turn away, but Hoseok gets the impression that he’s backing up, as if Hoseok is some kind of threat. “ _Fuck!_ ”

Hoseok doesn’t understand. He thought Hyungwon might be embarrassed if he ever found out, but this reaction is _nothing_ like Hoseok had expected. He doesn’t know how to handle this Hyungwon, and he desperately wishes Kihyun or Minhyuk were here to talk their tall friend down. Hoseok is drunk, slightly disoriented, and he’s being hit with a situation that he doesn’t know how to deal with. _What is going_ on?

Hoseok doesn’t stand, in case it makes Hyungwon more upset, but he tries to speak, keeping his voice as calm and level as he can. “Hyungwon, it’s alright dude. It’s honestly none of my business what you do in your spare time, and I don’t care what you’re into or like… whatever. It’s cool bro. Just breathe a bit and settle down, yeah?”

But Hyungwon’s eyes get wider with every word spoken, and by the end looks like he’s about to burst into tears. His pupils are blown so wide that his eyes are almost black. “But Hoseok, you _do_ care. You _do_ . Why else would you choke on your beer? Am I…. Am I _wrong_ to you? Am I _gross_ ? I don’t… I don’t… I _don’t…_ ” Hyungwon’s back hits the wall and he stops. His hands are still by his side, but Hoseok can see his friend digging his nails into his palms with some force.

That’s when Hoseok’s drunkass brain finally realises what’s happening. Hyungwon is having an anxiety attack. _Shit_.

Hoseok knows that  Hyungwon has general anxiety, but it seems that, for the most part, he has it under control. He’d talk about it sometimes with Hoseok, but Hoseok had never seen him have a full blown attack like this. Hoseok has not really had a lot of experience with mental health issues before so he isn’t quite sure what to do, but he figures he needs to _try_.

He stands slowly, making his way over to Hyungwon. “Hey. Hyungwon-ah, look at me. You’re _not_ wrong, and you’re _not_ gross, okay? I would never think that about you. I need you to look at me, and we’ll breathe together, okay? Count of 5, okay?”

Hyungwon nods, his eyes fixed to Hoseok’s face. With Hoseok’s guidance, they breathe together to the count of 5, and slowly, Hoseok moves forward. When he’s right in front of Hyungwon, he takes his hand, loosening his friend’s fingers and gently rubbing the palms where he’s made dark red welts. They keep breathing together, in and out, and Hoseok thinks it might be okay.

But then he looks up and their eyes lock. He hadn’t realised how close he was, and it would seem, neither had Hyungwon. At first, the taller man’s expression remains blank, but then Hoseok feels his hands tighten around his own and tears start to spill down Hyungwon’s pale cheeks.

“Fuck, Hoseok, I’m so sorry.”

Before Hoseok can even open his mouth, Hyungwon is already halfway across the room, grabbing his bag and running for the front door.

“Dammit Hyungwon, _wait!_ ”

Hyungwon stops at the front door, his hand tight around the handle, and turns to face Hoseok. He’s shaking now, and very clearly crying. He opens his mouth, hesitates, and just says ‘ _sorry_ ’, before opening their front door and disappearing through it.

Hoseok stands there in complete shock, jerking when the door slams shut with a horrible kind of finality.

_Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry ; ;


End file.
